We deal with negative and hurtful people every day. Sometimes it is really hard not to chime in yourself with self-talk. Wondering if the person is right. Sometimes the person knows your hot buttons, and it colors how you look at other people. Sometimes the person is competitive with you for reasons you may not even understand, so the person does everything he or she can undermine you. You fill in the blank for what that person can achieve.
It is easy to say, “Walk away.” There are times you can’t.
It is easy to say, “Ignore the person.” There are times you can’t.
I am in a situation right now that has me asking how to deal with a really hurtful situation at my work. So I am looking for answers. I came across “The Surprising Harm of Being Around Negative People” by Beverly Ambrosio in my research. She is a Personal Development Coach and Certified NLP Practitioner in Dallas, TX. She mentions in her article that not only does this negativity change your mood, it actually changes the physical structure of your brain. Okay, I’ve done my share of binge ice cream or cheese eating with the best of you, but I didn’t know it would change my brain structure.
Experiencing negative situations or negative people not only changes the structure of the brain, but memories of those interactions get stored in the cells of the body and remain long after the event took place. This occurs at the cellular level when the memory of the event is encoded into the cells at certain regions of the brain and body.
Now I understand that this stress of negativity I have been feeling has triggered “the fight or flight response” because of ‘the neutral traffic between my brain and my central nervous system’.
One suggestion Ambrosio has when you are in this situation is breathe. Deeply. First, you need to pay attention to your breathing. Second, since you are concentrating on your breathing, you are decreasing your anxiety. (The Calm APP may help you.) This helps the rest of your systems to readjust. Notice when you are under stress that your breathing becomes more shallow. This cuts off the oxygen to the rest of your body.
According to Ambrosio, it may take a while but practicing this habit will help new neurons and neural pathways to override the old. At least you will be a healthier you.
We still don’t have a way to deal with a negative situation except for avoidance or reducing the time around that person. But, if you do this activity at least you will be healthier and clear thinking on how to move forward. You will also not be convincing yourself in horrible negative self-talk that the person is right.